It's In His Kiss
by ArtificialAorta
Summary: This was not how Sirius wanted James to find out about his relationship with Remus. Nor was it how Sirius expected James to react.


**Spoilers**: None  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: mentions of m/m and m/m sexual situation as well as boys kissing awkwardly. If you don't like then don't read.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: I do not own Harry Potter or its characters and mean no copyright infringement with this fic.  
><strong>AN**: I'd say this is set around The Marauders' 6th year.  
><strong>AN2**: Just a little fic I wrote up. I posted a request for comedy fic where James was irrationally angry that Sirius didn't want him over Remus and no one seemed to know of a fic of that nature. So I wrote my own! I admit it's a little rushed but I just really wanted to post it. Hope you enjoy!

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><p>Admittedly, walking in on Remus and Sirius in the very nude throes of passion was not the ideal way of James finding out about their relationship. When he thought about it, Sirius wasn't really sure <em>what<em> the ideal situation was for James to discover the affectionate and often carnal relationship between the two pups. Perhaps it was one in which there was a lot of booze and Prongs was well pissed before the news was imparted. Still, Sirius could not help but think that it really served the prat right for not knocking before he walked into the dorm room. The rule that had been set forth in fourth year was that if any of them had a bird over then the others would have to honour the do-not-disturb tie on the door knob. The fact that Moony was not a bird (thankfully so as Sirius was rather fond of the werewolf's manly bits and what they could do) was neither here nor there.

Neither was the fact that Sirius had lost his tie by the time enough blood had re-entered his brain, allowing him to remember the rule. He had still been too preoccupied with the current state of Moony's bits to think coherently. So he placed the closest piece of clothing he could find on the door knob- Peter's rank sock- in hopes that the other Marauders would get a hint. Really, if the sock hadn't tipped James off then he should have at least been put off by the smell of the thing and gone off to gaze adoringly at Lily. If a bloke was willing to touch a door knob that had Wormtail's used socks on it then he was asking for it.

None of this changed the fact that James had walked in on Sirius and Remus shagging. It had been one of their better shags as well...that is until Prongs started squawking and making his presence known. Suddenly, Remus changed from charged sex god to shy bookworm and hid under the sheet while James continued to squawk and turn a rather unflattering shade of puce. Sirius had tried to calm James down but it didn't work. In hindsight it might have had to do with the fact that Sirius was still very naked and still had a raging hard on. Before any sense could be knocked into the ungulate's head, he had grabbed his broom and ran out of the room.

That had all occurred roughly two hours ago which brings us to the reason why Sirius was heading towards the Astronomy tour outside of class hours and without a rather delicious and horny werewolf in tow. According to the map, James was finally in the tower after a two hour absence. When James needed to clear his mind, he went on a broom ride off campus. Far away from anyone and anything that might have caused his prior state of agitation. Sirius was rather glad Prongs had decided to come back because he wanted to talk to the jumpy ungulate and settle things as soon as possible.

This had nothing to do with the fact that Remus refused to finish up after James had left and still continued to be a prudish ninny until a aforementioned friend was somewhat accepting of the situation.

Taking in a deep breath, Sirius opened the door to find his best mate sitting and looking up at the stars. If James had heard the door opening and close, he made no move to acknowledge it. He didn't even move until a few minutes after Sirius sat down next to him.

"So, you like blokes then?" James finally said. The question sounded more like an accusation causing a heavy stone of guilt and shame to weigh down on Sirius' gut.

"Yeah...s'pose."

"How long have you known?"

"Since third year. You started drooling over Evans, Wormtail started obsessing over knockers and I noticed Moony's arse." Sirius said rather candidly. He had already lied to his best mate long enough, might as well tell the truth from this point on. This had never intended to be kept in malice against James. Truth be told, Sirius never found reason to tell any of his friends of his preferences as he never thought anyone would go as far as to return them. Anyway, he never wanted to spawn more Black children and so settled on a long term relationship with his right hand and fantasies of Moony to get him through the lonely nights.

Never in Sirius' wildest dreams had he ever thought his sexual preferences would become a relatively important part of his everyday life. Never had he thought that someone like _Remus_ would look at him in lust. Then one night they were alone in the common room, sharing a stolen bottle of fire whiskey when suddenly all he could see, feel and taste were Moony. It had been heaven. From then on, any stolen moment was a blur of blissful cuddles and kisses making way later for groping and rather mind blowing sex.

Not that Sirius was ready to tell James _all_ of this. He'd keep the more cheesy and steamy moments between Moony and himself thank you very much.

"Why Moony?" Asked James suddenly, startling Sirius out of his thoughts.

"Why not? He's bloody brilliant." Sirius meant it in so many ways.

"Yeah Moony's great but..._I'm_ your best mate." James insisted, still not clarifying what was so confusing about Sirius being fond of Moony's bits in particular.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this earlier. It was wrong of me. Moony wanted to say something but I was afraid of how you would react."

"You still didn't answer my question. What's Moony got that I haven't?" James stood up at this point, glaring down at Sirius hurtfully.

"_What_?"

"I thought that if you were going to experiment on going bender you'd at least have the _decency_ to ask your best mate to try. I'm way better looking than Moony. Why didn't you want to shag me?"

Suddenly, things started to make sense. Well as much sense as it could make because what Prongs was saying only proved that the boy was insane. Almost as bonkers as Sirius' mother. Standing up, Sirius decided to face this insanity head on with shoulders square.

"Are you jealous?"

"Shouldn't I be? My best mate prefers weedy blokes to a fit Quidditch captain. Don't my muscles do it for you? Aren't I sexy enough?"

"Hey! Remus is lean, not weedy. And what the fuck are you on about? You're James fucking Potter. Of course I'm not attracted to you! You're like my brother. Though if it makes you feel better I'd rather snog you than Reg."

"I'll show you who's the better snog!" James yelled and before Sirius knew what was happening he had been pulled violently into a kiss. It was awkward to say the least. It was also one of the worse snogs Sirius had ever had- not that James didn't have much technique. To be fair, the lad was pretty good for someone who had insisted on saving himself for one woman. Though if Sirius really thought about it (and he really didn't want to), the fact that he was kissing James Potter made a bit of bile well up in the back of his throat.

Finally, James pulled away, panting heavily. Both boys looked at each other in shock. A look of horror started to find its way to James' face once he realised what he had said and done.

"Are you out of your tiny fucking ungulate mind? Of course I would never fancy you! The fact that I'd rather shag Remus has nothing to do with your looks and all to do with you being more of my family than my actual family. While they're fond of incest, I certainly am not."

"Really? You still care about me?"

"Of course you idiot. Why do you think I put up with you?"

"So even if you're shagging Moony, I'm still your brother right? I'm not second best?"

"Is that what this is about? You're upset that Moony's a better mate than you?" Sirius asked and the guilt on James' face confirmed it. Really, that boy could be an idiot sometimes.

"No one can replace you Prongs. I mean, you'll have to be second best on the shagging aspect because I'm never letting you get that close to my mouth again as long as I live. But we're still Padfoot and Prongs! Master Marauders and Pranksters extroirdinaire! Besides, every dashing bloke needs a pretty maid. I've just chosen Moony as mine- uh, don't mention the maid thing to him though. He doesn't like my mentioning him in dresses."

"I won't. Sorry about the whole kissing thing. I lost my mind for a moment." James said, deflating quite a bit but reassured nonetheless. At least he was back to semi- rational thought.

"I'll forget it if you do." Sirius offered and James affirmed with a nod. Though truthfully Sirius was going to wait until he had told Moony the whole story before forgetting it. The idea that James had been willing to challenge Remus over sexual privileges was positively hilarious. Also Remus would want to know that James had kissed Sirius so proper revenge could be plotted. Moony might look innocent enough but his mind was completely devious at the best of times. It was one of the reasons why Sirius was so over the moon besotted with him.

Sirius gave James a hug before they made their way silently down the stairs. The blame couldn't all be put on James. There had always been a certain impulse of protection that they both felt for one another and perhaps in his situation, James' impulse just happened to take on the characteristics of jealously. Or maybe he was so sexually frustrated that he was simply a time bomb waiting to explode. As long as things were going back to normal, Sirius felt there was no need to dwell on it.

There was still going to be the awkward conversation of where all their bits went during sex and Sirius hoped he could try and push that one onto Moony's more responsible shoulders. James was nothing but a curious boy and once the shock of the relationship wore off he was bound to start asking embarrassing questions.

"So...how was I? The kiss I mean." James asked suddenly as they drew closer to the portrait. Although he had tried to sound nonchalant, there was an eagerness to the question.

"If Evans didn't hate you before she'd definitely hate you after a kiss like that."

"Really?"

"Yeah, though if you want some pointers then maybe ask Moony. He's quite good with his tongue. But if you try to kiss him, I'll be forced to hex your cock off, brother or not."


End file.
